A Story

Taken on vacation.Storm was coming in and the wind was creating waves on the lake.

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Have you ever had something that has happened that is so special you just can't wait to share it but at the same time you are unsure if that is really what you want ?

I am feeling this way. I want to share my expierience with someone yet at the same time afraid that by bringing it out in the "elements" it will loose some of its purity.

I will share this with you and when done I will tuck it away and only on very rare occasions bring it out and savor the memory.

It happened a week ago today.

A small country store just over the boarder of (....) was our destination. The market is a white clapboard building with an American flag waving in the breeze, yellow mums dotting it's borders, farm trucks parked on the gravel and a spot of green grass shaded by an oak tree.

It's biggest eye catcher is the bright advertisement signs enticing us (...) people to play the forbidden lottery.

This is our annual trip to buy lottery tickets. Conversation centers around what we would each do if we actually beat the odds and did the impossible - win the lottery. Each person shares what they will do with their prize money. Imaginary purchases of farms, houses, property, cars, boats, horses, dogs and various other sundries are made.

Upon arrival husband, the boys and daughter-in-law immediately gather around the counter assessing which game/ticket would give them the highest chance of winning . In the meantime I do my annual perusing of the market and its souvenirs.

It didn't take me long to finish looking at the various shirts, mugs, hats etc. I ambled over and stood by Son 1 and Son 2 and was soon lost in my own world of thoughts.
Son brought me back to the presence by tapping me on the shoulder. I turned and noted that Son had the strangest looking expression on his face. He pointed to the gentleman at the counter and said "Who does that remind you of?"

I'll swear until the day I die that my heart ceased to beat. There, leaning against the counter " was " my dad.

My eyes drank in the mans profile. I would pause at each feature wanting to burn it indefinitely in my brain. The hat, glasses, beard, shoulders, his stance and even style of dress -it was as if my dad had come back. I expected to see him turn around any minute and with his twinkling eyes and low chuckle he would say "there is my girl" and envelope me in his arms. I could even "feel" his arms around me. Tears were pouring down my face. I so longed to be held by daddy.

The gentleman turned and faced me. Sobbing I tried to verbalize that he reminded me of my dad. I wrapped my arms around him and was instantly shocked back into reality by the feeling of a body that was not daddy's.

Embarrassed, I blindly made my way outside, sobs tearing through me and opening the wound I had been so carefully guarding.

My soul sank into the darkness of deaths ambience. I could not stop crying. My mind screamed at me, begging for me to ask that man to just hold me. This time I knew if I could bury myself in his chest it would be different. I knew I would be able to hear my dads heart beat, feel the warmth and security his hugs provided and smell his essence.

My feet never carried me back to the store.

I wish the stranger could know what a gift I was given in that old country store.

I won the lottery that day. I won the impossible. I got to see my dad

Birthday

A quick two step

A slow waltz

Swaying to the music. Memories drawn to special moments in my life.

Laughter joins the music. Tears slip unnoticed Lips curved into a smile when cherished moments fleet across the screen of my life.

Dreams... Fears... Happiness... Pain... Joy. Emotions of a life lived.

I miss hearing my dads voice today.

A new day to celebrate. A new year to be better, do better, and to make a better difference in someones life.

Cheers - this one is for you dad. I love you and miss you.

On the road again

All clear was given by doc. Back to jeep'n and enjoying the solitude that I find in the ambiance of nature. The camera is getting dusty due to lack of use!

Actually my brain needs another avenue besides schoolwork. This class has whipped my butt. I thought statistics was hard! I have one test and 2 1/2 papers to finish then I will be done - for a week. At least it will be on to another subject.

Going to school at my age is a topic that is tossed around the office. People feel pressured to go back to school and increase their degree yet family and other obligations are more important. Back and forth the subject is tossed. I talk to some of my classmates who are older than I am and they plan to continue on until they can't walk, see or hear. They love the challenge school offers. It is good that we all love different things. Makes the world go round. I just see school as stress. Yet if I took classes on scuba diving, or whitewater rafting, better yet photography school, now that would be fun!

I am debating if I should go skydiving this year. I loved it but I want to try something different. Haven't decided what yet. We do have a new 4 wheeler so I will be accessing places my jeep won't go. It is still kinda the same thing as jeeping.

I will be getting quit a few of my photos enlarged. It will be fun to see them up on the wall in my office. I love to try and capture the beauty in what I see and share it with others. I had a photographer look at my pictures and give me some pointers. I must say it is a big thrill to have him say great things about some of them.

Joy in my life comes in many forms. I have friends who call, e-mail or come to visit. Each are very special and each brings happiness.

Well must get back to writing my paper. It is getting late and I have a ways to go.