Pressing Onwards vs Memories

Taken Christmas Day. West Desert. Almost looks like a painting.

My plight - the very darkest night - dawning light.

I would use the above to describe the last 7 months of 2006.

I believe it is really true that it is darkest before the dawn. I think God knew what He was doing when He created night and day. He knew we would need promises to sustain us through the dark times.

I try not to look back. Occasionally I do and my heart becomes sad. I am not sure what makes me the saddest. I know that I destroyed a friendship. I know I destroyed trust. I know I turned my back on my Lord. I can not pull one specific thing out of the accumlative sadness. I take the sadness, memories, failures but them in a box, close the lid and put it on the shelf. Some days I open the box - just for a few minutes but I quickly close it knowing that leaving it open will bring me back to despair, grief, and the challenge of questioning myself and my worth.

I had a ring made to remind me of some things - lost it Friday. Not sure where. I had it resized but it was so cold (if you wear rings you know your fingers shrink in size when it is cold)that it became loose. Maybe it will turn up.

I am back in school. It will be a heavy semester. I dropped one class so I am only taking 3. I plan to take the summer off so I will just hang in there and look forward to the end of this semester.

My dad started chemo therapy 1/3.

"The man" had called my step sister a few days before that. I got home just as he was hanging up.The man told me how scared my dad was, how sick he was on the medication he had been given before the chemo therapy was started. I got so angry because I was so helpless to do anything. I kept having to turn it over to the Lord because I had no power to change the situation.

We serve an awesome God. His grace, His love, His forgiveness are incomprehensible. Plus - He has all ready taken care of everything before it has even started for us.