Summary

Sunday evening: met step mom at the airport. It was hard to see her without daddy. I put on a mask of pleasantness and ignored the pain in her big brown eyes.

I have a conscious choice when I decide to deal with the pain of loss. That choice was lost when she was here. It was constant. She talked about her pain, her loss, all her memories. I had no choice but to fight the pain that threatened to cover me and crush my heart.

POTATOS

Dad always made the mash potatoes. Nobody can whip up those taters better than him. I have worked hard to become as good as he and do come a close second.

We went to my sons house and stayed Tuesday thru Thursday morning. I thought that being there would be easier for her because there were no memories there. WRONG. She was totally grieving the first day. She managed to pull out of it late Wednesday. My daughter-in-law cooked the meal except for the mash potatoes. My stepmother made those and grieved because she didn't make them as good as dads.

We headed home on Thursday because it was her plan to spend the day watching football and having another Thanksgiving dinner. My son had bought a 61 inch flat screen TV and wanted us to stay to watch the games. We didn't. he understood.

Thursday evening we had another Thanksgiving meal. I made the mash potatoes this time.

My step sis called during this time. She was making her mash potatoes and crying. I have a picture of my dad making mash potatoes for my sons wedding. I also have the left over mash potatoes in my freezer. Dad told us he had cancer again right after the wedding. I knew in my gut that it would be the last time I had his potatoes.

Who would have know that a potato could cause so many emotions.

REST OF VISIT

Thus the days and hours ticked by. Pain was evident in her eyes almost the whole time. We did her laughing and thinking of other things several times and we could see the person she was before grief gathered her in its ugly grasp.

We did go on a jeep excursion up into the mountains. Nature was a soothing balm. We stopped at a beautiful spot and just sat back and let the silence heal our souls. Each of us took off and on our own little hike. I saw a huge flock of wild Turkey's. The mountain stream that flowed through clusters of Aspens. Ice lined the edges. The sun sparkled off the crystals and warmed my body. It was so good to throw off the stress of the past week.

Football was a constant on the TV. Tuesday we made the trip back to the airport. My stepmother was anxious to get home. I was anxious to be rid of the constant reminder of the pain. I did enjoy each day spent with her though. She is a tie to my father and she will always be cherished.

Quotes on Grief:

What impropriety or limit can there be in our grief for a man so beloved?

There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief

O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last, And careful hours, with Time's deformed hand, Have written strange defeatures in my face.

Well has it been said that there is no grief like the grief which does not speak.

Excess of grief for the dead is madness; for it is an injury to the living, and the dead know it not.

While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it.

Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys. -Alphonse de Lamartine.