What do I miss most?

My friend sent me a little questionnaire - one of the questions was "what do I miss the most?"

I am not sure why I miss my dad so much but I do. It is almost like he just died. I am getting nauseated with grief and not knowing how to expends its energy. My thoughts keep turning towards him. Usually I can divert those thoughts but now the memories push their way through the block I have set up. It seems like it was this morning that I was holding his hand while we walked into the doctors office - the beginning of the end. I can still hear his heartbeat as I lay my head on his chest -alone with him in his hospital room -enjoying his essence and being held by him one last time.

I miss his laugh, his hug and his "hows my girl doing?" I got a gift from the Lord. Somehow I recorded his voice during a conversation. The man found it while he was looking through my cell phone. I listen to it every so often...... What a gift to still be able to hear his voice. I have video of him but I have not been able to watch that yet.

I miss relationships lost. I once was someones rose. I miss being that too.

I sit at my bedroom window in the early evening and relax with the sounds of a certain bird whose song floats in the air. I smile, thankful for the sound of nature - it is such a healing balm.

Life is the most cherished gift. Every minute only comes once - never to be repeated. The need is there to make every second count. I have it so much better than many people and I don't discount that fact. I am thankful for my life. I am thankful for family, friends, laughter, and the innocence of babies.

Nature is such a draw on my soul. I need to rejuvenate after being couped up in the house. The healing of my body is almost complete. As soon as I am given the okay I will head to the hills in my jeep