Lesson Learned???

While laying here recovering I have had time to mull many things over. Life holds many many trials, perplexities, happy fulfilling memories, memories full of pain yet my favorite is the sacred memories buried deep within. Memories that can be brought to the surface, embraced, caresses, and gently placed back in the resses of my heart.

I have come to many conclusions regarding issues that I have not had time to deal with because of lifes hectic pace.

I think the biggest one is that I am incapable of feeling true love. The flip side is... does true love actually have a feeling or is it more of a principle? It may be true loves feels more like a fondness, instead of breathless, heart stopping moment. I have the desire to crawl into the arms of a friend but is that just a selfish desire and not love?

Corinthians reads love is not a feeling but rather a life of action and a containment of feelings. I am afraid I lied. I have not come to a conclusion regarding love. I must be a hopeless romantic whose hope is dashed on a regular basis.

I also realized that I am very alone. I bristle with thoughts of how I have lent my total being to some in their time of need only to be left stranded when I need to be cared for.

It may seem I am a "down-in-the-mouth" person but I am not. I enjoy life. I laugh, revel in natures beauty and healing properties, feel revived after petting a animal and engross myself in my passions of reading, photography and jeep'n.

My heart longs for passion from one who loves me for me. I shall not wait for that anymore as I am no longer young and beautiful. I shall place the longings in the basement of my heart. There they will stay gathering the dust of time until this heart beats no more.